yup.. sobrang makakalimutin ko na.. kamote.. most of time before I arrived here at work eh iniisip at pinaplano ko na ung mga dapat kong gawin for the day.. pero after the day is done lagi na lang akong may nakakalimutan.. - nakakalimutan ko ring maglogout. - kung ano ung login at logout box. minsan.. nakaharap lang ako dun sa box holding my id for 30 seconds, then I forgot what am I doing, saka ko maalala maglologout nga pala ako at login box ung nasa harap ko.. - ung mga emails ko.. even I almost always tend to type the exact opposite ng gusto ko sabihin.. katulad kanina.. ang gusto ko sabihin eh “we should not remove the AV” nung ire-read ko ang naka sulat a “we should remove the AV” kamote.. buti na lang binasa ko - another thing na nakakalimutan ko eh ung mga letra sa mga words na tinatype ko.. lagi na lang me nagkakamali.. laging may kulang kaya minsan it took me the nth reply bago makapaglogin since nakamutan ko na kung nasaang character na ako sa password entry - mga passwords.. especially ung mga di ko ginagamit.. heck palagi na lang nga eh.. - birthdays.. forgot ung mga birthdays ng friends and family ko until it’s the actual date - Current Day and date.. most of the time I’m clueless as kung anong araw at petsa na.. worst eh kung anong oras na.. - yung mga sinasabi ko.. expect it.. ung sinabi ko kahapon di ko na maalala ngaun.. malamang nga itong entry na to makakalimutan ko na in one hour..
i’m still undecided kung magnonormal time ba ako next week o hindi.. though wala naman sa akin ung final na decision.. pero I think I need to decide na magpaalam first.. naiisip ko kasi, I’m being unfair na sa kanila, and parang napakasama ko na.. to think na magnonormal time ako, despite the fact na ayaw ko gumising ng maaga becuase it’s convinient ngayong chrismas season.. since this week hanggang wednesday lang ang pasok at next week eh hanggang tuesday lang ang pasok ng normal time.. and yung crewing need to be back by saturday, so mapuputol ung mahabang bakasyon ko if ever di ako nagpalit ng pasok.. pero do I deserve it.. do I deserver to rest.. para kasing hindi eh.. kaya I’m still not sure kung ipupursue ko na magnormal time.. though at the moment it’s not effective na B-shift ako… it’s only effective pag may mga down.. pero bihira naman ung may down.. at kung mayrun man it took me 48 years para magawa lang ung isa unlike ung ibang kasama ko na nasosolve agad ung mga problema :( .
hmmm.. ngaun ko lang as usual napansin how come my shoulders hurts a lot since lumipat kami dito sa taas.. At first I just thought it because I really don’t have any reserver energy .. or natulog ako ng mali.. pero it seems.. looking at this angle.. it seems na masyadong naprepressure ung shoulder blades ko dahil sa imperfect posture ko these days.. di naman kasi ganito nung nasa ADI ako.. or rather nung nasa p1 ako .. ung upuan ko kasi dito simula ng lumipat ako eh something that is too low.. well sira na sya even before kinuha ko.. and hindi na talaga sya naair-air lift.. pero medyo pag nagtytype ako may shoulders needs to be angle at almost 30-45 degrees.. and lagi akong nagtatype. since it’s the nature of my work.. … so that’s why my shoulders, shoulder blades and even my elbows hurt a lot.. tsk tsk tsk.. I need to do something about this.. unfortunately kahit mataba ako.. eh proportionate ung mga buto ko.. at it seems I can’t continue using this chair.. ..
*Nagtry ako ulit ng colorgenics.. interesting.. it’s almost right.. * You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your ‘missed opportunities’ by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as ‘living with exaggerated intensity’. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right. *yeah right. I did miss a lot, though I almost always failed to live my life to the fullest* Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say. *Hmm.. gentle-imposible, emotional-yup, sensitive-it depends sa situation.. most of the time I’m only sensitive to my needs. and was as clueless sa mga nangyayari sa iba.. I wonder who could that be.. everyone already gave up.. may darating pa kaya.. * You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be. *I’m way too needy. Kaya pala I kept losing each and every one of my friends.. * You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision. *yep it really feels that way since 3 years ago.. maybe I’m just imagining it.. pero un talaga ung nafefeel ko.. they don’t trust me , they don’t understand me, it’s not like I want a grand appreciation, a little thank-you, and even responding “K” to my emails will do.. I know that the world does not revolves around me, and that there must be circumstance bakit di nila ako pinapansin. I haven’t really felt really good sa mga nagawa since 2005. why does it feel empty ung mga encouragement na nakukuha ko.. was it because mataas nga talaga ang standard ko and I can’t accept what they’re doing. even if it’s the best they can give to me.. maybe un nga na un.. it’s not really they’re fault but mine.. I just wish they can understand me.. * You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationalilty, since you realise that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be. *I really wished I could let my hair down.. it seems it’s really fun to do so. There’s so many things I would have wanted to do.. Believe or not, I really wanted to be a kikay-girl type it’s just that I think I’m too old, too fat for it.. and what would other people say.. *
hopefully wala sanang makabasa nito.. it would be good kung ganun.. kung mayrun man.. hopefully wag na nya sana mabasa I’m feeling like a toddler ngaun.. parang gusto ko gumawa ng something bad para mapansin nya lang ako.. pero I need to at least stop myself from doing it, kainis kasi I can’t even stick to what I decided na hindi magbibigay ng sakit ng ulo ngaun.. though I hardly do anthing at all.. hindi maintindihan.. I even decided not to talk to him, kasi nga lagi na lang nauuwi sa pagtatalo ung usapan namin, and it would give him another source ng head ache.. pero up to now since saturday, I haven’t receive any response from him, be it sms, chat, or simply talking wala.. maski kanina nung magthank you ako sa pizza wala.. maybe he’s really angry at me dun sa pinagtetext ko nung friday, I was just telling him the truth.. and as usual nagpaalam lang ako kung makakalusot and kung hindi I’ve got no choice but to go to work with or without hang-over.. though I will probably be angry if hindi sya pumayag pero it’s my usual reaction, nawawala rin un after 15 minutes.. which bring me if I should ask permission to be in normal time the next 2 weeks, para mahaba rin ung bakasyon ko.. should I ask it.. by default he would say no even if pinapayagan nya ako.. pero since I’m enforcing this no-talking rule.. eh pwede ko ba sya kausapin dito.. heck I won’t even give him ung mga updates ng mga activities ko or even tell him na kailangan ko pumunta ng p1 to do something.. saka isn’t ung pagpapalipat ng schedule na ay just me acting selfishly.. saka wala naman akong nagagawa sa office I don’t think I deserve that long break.. though posible rin na kaya wala akong nagagawa sa office eh I’m too burn out.. though wala namang reason to burn out.. wala naman akong narereceive na humungus pressure… or akala ko lang wala pero thinking about it, mayrung pressure..
Kahapon ginanap ang xmas party namin s group. S mountain view cya ginanap. At first wla me blak uminom. Ang kaso cnali me s game n pabilisan uminom ng beer at muntik n me manalo. Then inagawan k c kate ng iniinom nya dahil may sakit nga cia eh. Bandang huli laklak n me ng laklak. Hek i even sang narda with all my heart. S ayun nalacng ako and had a pretty bad hang over.ahh medyo nawalan me ng hiya kahapon. Wala kc ung mga bantay eh. Just hope i didnt end up doing something n mapapahiya c boss.
thank god sa nakaisip ng forum sa internet.. dahil kung hindi eh mangangamote na ako sa inaayos kong computer.. or perhaps sa isang araw na ako makakauwi(may outing pa naman kami).. tsk tsk tsk..
siguro ung mga computer support 20 years ago(since last 9 years na akong nagwowork, and definite me na may internet na pagkasimula ko sa analog) eh halos mabaliw baliw na sa kakaisip pag nagkakaproblema ung mga system nila..
pero thinking about it.. mas simple ung mga programs and OS dati.. mas madali itrouble shoot ung DOS at Unix.. malamang maski ung mga fortran cobol at iba pa.. at kung tama ako ng pagkakaalala, nung sinubukan ko magbasa ng cobol na libro nung bata ako(natapos ko na kasi ung algebra dun sa small collection ng libro nila lolo at wala na me makitang iba pa) eh parang may mga registers dun sa mga naunang chapter. so that means on the old days eh talagang pinagaaralan nila maski ung assembly, unlike now..
pero despite the fact na available ang internet.. it still take me 4 hours to finally make this computer boot.. kaya di ako naniniwala sa kanila na magaling ako eh.. saan ka nakakita ng 7 years na IT na inaabot ng 2-4 hours para magtrouble shoot lang ng mga computer problems.. tsk tsk tsk..
I always want to be *Special* but then I was as ordinary as everyone else I want to be *Unique* and yet I’m just a copy-cat I want to have my own *Originality* but almost everything I did has already been done by somebody I want to be *kind and full of compassion* but all I am capable were distrust, envy and hate I want to share and *give bright answers* but all that I have given are dim ideas
one time nung mangaling kami ni kim sa disco(as usual di me sumayaw, lumaklak lang ng lumaklak ng beer) eh nagkarun ng kaguluhan sa loob, nagkabarilan.. and in effect umalis kami dun ng maaga.. since ayaw ko pang umuwi I decided to stay along dun sa roxas boulevard to wait for the sunrise.. mga 5 am na.. at maliwanag na.. eh wala pa ring araw saka ko lang narealize na imposible na dito rin ung sunrise eh dito nga nakikita ung paglubog ng araw.. not unless bumaligtad na ang ikot ng mundo.. next time magdala ng compass bago magsunrise viewing..
